After much deliberation, I have decided to address the why behind my views. It was pointed out to me that a particular family member was upset after reading my last blog. I'm sorry if my content was offensive, it was never intended to be. As you have seen in my last two posts I like to say that we must look inward to see solutions to our being divided. So in the time between learning that someone was offended and now, I have had to look deep within myself. Much of this post will be introspective, all of it will be personal.

I find it necessary to start with my family. My Dad and stepmom are two of the hardest working people I know, any sense of drive or ambition I credit to my dad. There are times in my life where he would love that I credit him with that and others that he would prefer I not mention him. You see, I find it hard to be driven when faced with something I am not passionate about. This was seen time and time again in my school career. Much to my fathers dismay, I never really applied myself. I was lazy and apathetic when it came to schoolwork. This drove him to the brink. I have some intelligence but any I had was thrown away because I cared more about girls and my friends than school.

Eventually I graduated but I still had the "just get by" mentality. I spent my time after high school drifting girl to girl and got into drugs and alcohol very heavily. I was able to hide this from my family fairly well as I learned to manipulate early on. Eventually I got involved with a church and started down my path to correcting my life. I have had to have many hard conversations apologizing for my behavior. It was during this time at the church that I was able to overcome my drug and alcohol issues, as well as quit smoking. However I still struggled to find my path and what I was to do with my life.

It was during this time that a young woman who I had known for a while came back into my life. She was married but unhappy. As I was apt to do at the time I thought I could "save her" from the situation she was in. I offered her a life with me while I should have just left while enough alone. She got with me and lived with me for a while. During which she became pregnant with my child. She returned to her husband and I returned to my family.

As a young man who has never had any blood relatives to speak of  this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I left the child with her and chose not to pursue paternity of any kind, My first child created on this earth I will never have the chance to know. It is my prayer that She and her husband raise him to be an amazing child. I have no doubt she will. Because for all of her shortcomings she is a great woman. And he is a loyal husband. She cheated on him and he welcomed her with open arms. I wish them all the happiness in the world.

While in the relationship I was excommunicated from the church. This was correct but at the time it did nothing but fuel my anger. I was young and rash and decided that I would rather not serve a God that let my child go and let evil live in the world. I attempted to fill the hole left with women. I was angry and I slept with many, this is a regret I have to this day. And my beautiful wife suffers for it. She waited her whole life for me and I, not knowing how to deal with myself, gave myself to as many as I could.

In this time I also got a different girl pregnant. She opted not to keep the baby and got an abortion. At the time I offered to stay and take care of both of them. That child was killed because it was inconvenient. It weighs on my soul to this day. After much deliberation and much talk of abortion and pro life vs pro choice I have come to this conclusion. Roe v Wade must stand. It cannot be overturned. Changes must be made however. The right to preserve your own life is something I agree with wholeheartedly. Other than that I see no other reason for an abortion. Rape and incest are terrible things but they do not constitute death. We do not kill rapists, therefore how can we kill an innocent life. Therefore the change that I believe needs to be made is this. Public funding, except in the case where the pregnancy threatens the life of the mother, must be pulled.

After all this I finally met the love of my life. Her name is Rebecca and she is the closest thing to pure grace I know. All of my past has been forgiven because the man she knows now is different from the one that existed before. I still struggle with anger and insecurity but I am now in a great marriage, struggles and all. It took time to get here and we still struggle. I am back at church,  Though there are struggles there as well.

The thing that upset my family before was over gay marriage. I would like to make something clear. I believe we all are equal. Everyones rights must be respected. But is it not infringing on the rights of those who believe in one man one woman marriage to make them change the definition of it? Just because I believe that marriage is between one man and one woman does not make your love any less. Why then is there a need to change the definition. The path here is a slippery one, Will I one day as a pastor be forced to marry a gay couple? Will they be able to sue me if I dont? My beliefs are such that I dont believe that homosexuals should be in leadership at a church. But let me ask this. Why is this an issue unless someone is purposely coming in to change the church? Why would a gay person want to be part of a church that tells them that it is wrong?

I love all of my family, that doesnt mean I agree with them. If everyone just liked who they completely agreed with no one would have any friends. It is my sincere hope that upon reading this you will have gotten a better idea where my views come from. I love all my family dearly.